We all know that all religions can be traced back to humans not being able to answer questions like “where did we come from?” and “what happens after we die?” and “when is John Frum going to bring some more cargo?” To answer these questions, human leaders, ignorant of modern logic and science, came up with some fascinating explanations involving various deities. Most of the rest of the humans thought to themselves, “well, I like that explanation better than no explanation” so they joined on. The human leaders simply killed the people who didn’t believe it and voilà! You have religion. This went on for several thousand years until the last few hundred years when, surprisingly, religious people started feeling awkward about killing everyone who didn’t believe what they believed. So slowly, very slowly, a new group of humans started to poke their heads out of their collective caves and mentioned that maybe these deities were fictitious poppycock. Since these deities are, in fact, fictitious poppycock, this touched a nerve with religious leaders, who would prefer to continue to molest little boys unimpeded. So they visited England today to denounce these pesky atheists.
“Today, the United Kingdom strives to be a modern and multicultural society,” the pope said. “In this challenging enterprise, may it always maintain its respect for those traditional values and cultural expressions that more aggressive forms of secularism no longer value or even tolerate. Let it not obscure the Christian foundation that underpins its freedoms.”
For the pope to even suggest that atheists are the intolerant ones is infuriatingly ironic. Some responses from the thinking crowd:
Those comments, too, resulted in “disappointment” from the British Humanist Association, which said the notion that atheism “somehow fuels intolerance in Britain today is a terrible libel against those who do not believe in God.”
The National Secular Society said British secularism “is not something to criticize, but to celebrate.”
“We have rejected dogmatic religion devoid of compassion,” the group said in a statement. “In its place we have embraced and included gay people and given them the right to full equality, given women the right to control their own fertility, given scientists a free hand to seek cures for horrific diseases by the use of stem-cell research.”
Furthermore, the biggest point of this whole article was that pope Lucifer was “shocked” about all of the priest homo-child-raping. Which is utterly ridiculous. See here, here, here, here, here, seemingly ad infinitum.
Moments after I posted this, I found this article on CNN, the first few paragraphs of which have striking similarities to my post. Huh.