A Man, A Plan, Cannonball

Charles Schumer, United States Senator, is working on solving our problems. He’s on the case. We can all relax. It’s all going to be okay. First up, a pool party

The shows’ biggest fan has turned out to be not some bearded music blogger but one of the most powerful politicians in the United States: Senator Charles E. Schumer, Democrat of New York and chairman of the Senate Rules and Administration Committee

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He threw his considerable support behind the events and their promoter, pressuring city and state parks officials to renew the Pool Parties’ contract for this summer

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By summer’s end, frustrated parks officials were in talks with other promoters. But Mr. Schumer halted those talks, said Steve Hindy, chairman of the Open Space Alliance

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“Schumer was insisting that Jelly be part of the concerts series for this year, that there be no discussion with other people,” said Mr. Hindy

And with that, the climate stopped warming, the budget was balanced, and humanity declared peace. Thank you Mr. Schumer, thank you.

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